I must be missing something here. This game is impossible! The crazy monster guys run up behind me at blazing speeds and I can never see them coming and I am left trying to turn around with my mouse moving like a turtle on heroin and completely disoriented and inevitably end up being pulverized to death in no time.

I must be missing something here....How are you supposed to play this game? Do I need a joystick in order to be halfway proficient? Can someone give me a clue?

Thanks!

No a joystick would not be an advantage here.

What you should do is just try starting smaller, like starting your own game with just one bot for target practice. Start the bot on "botlike" skill level and then keep stepping up that skill level until you are fighting an intermediate bot. Or join a server with only a few people playing or less. Better still if it is a CTF or team deathmatch server- these are less chaotic because half of the players are on your side, leaving only half trying to mop the floors with you.

The skills you want to develop first, or get used to, are hitting fast moving and unpredictable enemies with a variety of weapons and to do that while moving quickly and unpredictably yourself. Try to keep moving and looking around; when you slow down you should be looking around more and when you are not looking around as much you should be moving faster.

At the same time, be tactical- use walls and corners to escape from overwhelming firepower or numbers of enemies and lay down suppressive fire so that they will suffer if they follow you. But don't stay there for more than a few moments at most.

Also a couple tips on moving faster:

1) Try "bunny hopping" when you need/want to cross a long open distance. To do this, just starting walking forward for a second and then start holding down jump (space) at the same time. You'll begin striding faster and faster as long as you keep doing this, don't turn too hard or run into anything. Try to hit anything that looks like a ramp just right while doing this to launch yourself higher into the air and be slightly more evasive for a second.

2) When you need to get up to a ledge above you in a hurry or escape from a bad situation, jump and then immediately shoot the "laser" (one of your starting weapons that shoots a red orb) at the ground- this will launch you high into the air. Do it while you are running or hopping and you'll fly forward quickly as well. You can also run up to a wall to do a similar thing, only aiming up a bit more at the wall, to launch yourself in the opposite direction quickly.

"Turtle on heroin" - Thanks for the first LOL of my day

Have you upped your mouse sensitivity? By default, it's quite slow, so make sure you experiment with this. Also, as the above poster said, practice, practice, practice. Sit-in on some matches as a spectator and see how others do things. Unfortunatly, the only way to learn, is to get pwned.

double check your ping too, try to connect to servers where you get around/below 100ms

edit: by ping I mean network latency

yes, it can be a terrifying game. Not in the in-your-face surprise-there's-a-monster kind of way, but in a more subtle, atmospheric kind of way that gnaws on your periphery, knowing that you could always run across something truly bizarre and dangerous, or something that just with your mind. It's a very rich experience, if you give it a chance and scale its steep learning curve.Have you beat the game? Maybe you have to beat the game first before you can play them..